Category: YOGA

Growing up, I thought that having courage meant doing big, daring and heroic things. I thought it was the kind of things that you watch superheroes do in movies. Yet, the older I get and the longer I am a mother, the more I see that courage is in the small, often everyday choices we make that propel us forward. Courage is in the fabric of each choice to bravely choose your own voice, believe in our worth, stand up for others or to simply try again.

I have found that a common thread weaving through all of parenthood is teaching my kids to choose courage. Because in the movies, the superheroes don’t always look like they’re making a choice. However, in real life, courage is a choice and a constant series of choices made in small, everyday moments. Just like children, we can learn to choose courage daily too.

Courage is in the small, often everyday choices we make that propel us forward.

Here are a few things that my children have taught me about courage:

Choose your own voice.

As a parent, I found myself coaching my children on choosing and listening to their own voices as early as preschool. It’s a skill we often need in unexpected moments.

My daughter came home one day describing in distress how another girl in her class told her, “We don’t like that girl, right? You can’t like her.” Her little 4-year-old mind was working hard to reconcile someone who she identified as a friend not only speaking negatively about another friend, but asking her to choose sides. 

Have you ever been in that subtle moment as a grown-up when in a group of friends, at an office or even with extended family? Choosing your own voice is not always a big moment. It is often a quiet refusal to be incongruent with what you believe.

Choosing your own voice is not always a big moment. It is often a quiet refusal to be incongruent with what you believe.

We work on this in our house a lot. My other daughter, after being told on the playground by another child that there is a group of people God doesn’t love, turned to the girl and said, “Well that’s not true, but you can believe what you want.” She was able to hold onto her own thoughts and beliefs.

Believe in your worth.

“I believe in you, and I’m your biggest fan,” I told my son as he tried out for the soccer team. “No matter what happens we are so proud of you.” 

As adults, we don’t often have as many opportunities to “show our work” to the class, enter a talent show or go for the team. Childhood is full of these exciting and sometimes scary opportunities. Believing in your own worth is an essential part of going for anything and an essential part of picking yourself back up if it doesn’t go how you hoped.

Believing in your own worth is an essential part of going for anything and an essential part of picking yourself back up if it doesn’t go how you hoped. 

I have walked my kids through talent show rehearsals that went well—their little shaky knees walking up the stairs to the small stage in the school gym. Just as important, I hugged my kids as they cried and reminded them that their choice to be brave enough to try and the uniqueness of who they are is much more important than the outcome. 

Knowing our worth is what makes us brave to try. And knowing our worth helps us pick ourselves back up when it doesn’t go how we hoped. What might you try if you knew you were worthy either way?

Stand up for others.

When we drove home from a rally to stand in solidarity with the AAPI community against the growing number of hate crimes this year, my son asked me an insightful question on the way home, “Mom, what can I actually do everyday to help stop this?”

We talked about many options as a white family, including standing up for others in school when there are racist remarks said about or to any other child. I sincerely hoped as a mom this wouldn’t continue to happen, but I knew better. The next week, my son got a chance to practice what he learned as another boy in his class mocked Asian culture. It was a comment made between a few other kids, and in that moment, my son practiced the power of standing up for others. 

Using your voice for others in big ways is essential; however, the potential impact of taking a stand in any small moment that comes your way is a powerful act that can have huge ripple effects. How much more might you use your voice to stand up for others if you believed in the impact of every small moment?

Simply try again.

Sometimes, I feel like literally everything in childhood could be a lesson on trying again. Kids have not mastered anything quite yet. Everything they attempt is new to them at some point, even walking and talking. 

As adults, we lose often sight of this. We fear looking stupid, of being embarrassed or of failing. So we pin ourselves into smaller and smaller corners with little to no new experiences. In the last two years, I have had a child learning to skateboard, another learning to roller blade and still another learning to ride a bike. They fall and fall, over and over again. The only way forward is to simply try again. 

The only way forward is to simply try again. 

It isn’t fancy or complicated. It is just the only thing you can do to move forward. Trying again seems obvious when you fall off a skateboard, but what if we gave ourselves as adults the same permission to just try again when we fail? How many more things might we try?

If courage has felt like a big or far off thing to you, pull that big idea off the metaphorical movie screen and into your everyday life. Courage is a small, daily choice that we all can make.

What have you done today or yesterday that required some measure of courage? Knowing that courage is a choice, what might you choose to do tomorrow?

Image via Melanie Acevedo, Darling Issue No. 11

As a couples therapist, it may not surprise you that I see many couples struggling with conversations and disagreements surrounding the topic of money.

It’s a classic fight that couples have, like loading the dishwasher, asking for directions and driving. Money is just one of those things we expect couples to disagree about. However, what may surprise you is the “why.” Why is it that finances can be a difficult topic with your significant other? Once we identify the reason, we can understand more clearly how to talk to our significant other about money in a way that propels the conversation forward positively.

[Money] is a classic fight that couples have, like loading the dishwasher, asking for directions and driving.

Money is a topic that has many layers underneath it. Like the tip of the iceberg, money sits on top and is simply one part of the story—the part that we can see. However, underneath the water, like the base of the iceberg hidden from immediate view, are layers of personal experience, family history, culture, beliefs and values surrounding money.

Money is just one way we express our own history and background. When it comes to the topic of money, we each carry not only our own fears and hopes, but the fears and hopes of those who raised us and those who we grew up with. Money, for each of us, has a story, with lots of voices playing a part. In order to understand how to talk to your significant other about finances, there are few things you must do first.

Money, for each of us, has a story, with lots of voices playing a part.

Understand each other’s “money story.”

I imagine that when you first met your significant other you swapped stories. Maybe even on your first dates, you filled each other in on who you are and where life has taken you. You probably fell in love with your partner as you heard some of these stories. Maybe some of these stories caused you to take pause or maybe some of them were healing to share with each other.

Whatever the case, you probably got to know each other by sharing the stories you each carry. However, even with all this sharing in the early stages of dating, it is unlikely that you shared your “money story” with one another. 

What is your money story? It is all the things you remember and experienced around money growing up in your family and in your larger culture. What were the implicit and explicit rules surrounding money? Were there experiences of being without money that make spending it anxiety provoking?

Was it encouraged that success means making a lot of money? Does that perhaps influence your goals today? Is giving money to those in need a value you were taught? Or were there people around you who spent and lost money irresponsibly which created a fear of doing the same?

[Your money story] is all the things you remember and experienced around money growing up in your family and in your larger culture.

The questions and details of each of your stories will be very unique. Spend some time getting to know and sharing with one another your “money stories.” You will likely marvel at what you never knew and how much more you know your partner afterward.

It’s never just about money.

Remember the iceberg analogy? Well now that you’ve shared your unique stories about money with each other, you may understand more of what goes into each other’s opinions, beliefs, anxieties and hopes about money. Spend some time discussing each of your personal patterns with money.

Is one of you very detailed and never spends a dime not allotted for in a spreadsheet? Does one of you spend more than you make, getting caught up in an emotional moment before crunching the numbers? Think through and discuss these patterns and tension points. Then, connect them to the stories you shared and just learned about the other.

Where does your story influence your decisions? What part of your family history do you want to emulate? What part of your history do you hope not to repeat?

Understand that when you talk or even disagree about money, you are touching on the parts of the iceberg underneath the water. Get curious together about what is impacting each of you as you share.

Understand that when you talk or even disagree about money you are touching on the parts of the iceberg underneath the water.

Prioritize your bond.

If it’s never just about the money, what should be the focus of understanding each other’s stories? One of the emotional questions we are all asking—especially in our most important relationships—is: Can I trust you?

According to the therapy model developed by Dr. Terry Hargraves, we all want to know that we are safe in the world and more specifically, safe with one another. So if your money story holds places of anxiety or a history of worry—or if you or your partner’s behaviors with money cause anxiety for the other—understand it’s still not only about the money.

It is about knowing that you can count on the other person. It is about knowing you will have what you need to feel confident that you will be OK in this world. It’s about knowing that your partner will help this feeling, not threaten it.

It’s still not only about the money. It is about knowing that you can count on the other person.

So as you talk about money, ask each other what you need to feel like you are reasonably secure in the world. Ask each other what behaviors and choices help build confidence in your partner around the topic of money.

Merge your stories: Make a plan that fits you both.

Finally, you are a couple now, not just an individual. You are two stories merged into one. This can feel hard sometimes, but it can also be amazing.

Discuss together which part of each of your stories you want to carry forward in terms of money. Also, figure out which parts you want to do differently and where you hope to veer away from the habits of your parents and those who came before you. Define together what you hope your shared relationship with money will look like. You’re writing a new story together.

What story do you hope those who see you or come after you will learn from the way you interacted with money? What do you want to include, aim for or prioritize as a couple going forward?

Image via Frank Terry, Darling Issue No. 6

We are bringing “Darling Letters” from your inbox to the blog! We love the art of letter writing and believe it helps build authentic community. Our editors and contributors have thoughtfully written encouraging letters to cut through the busyness and speak straight to your heart.

I remember how the inflection of her voice changed when she told me that Father’s Day was hard for her. It made sense. My childhood best friend never had a relationship with her birth father. So when the Hallmark holiday came around each year and hit social media and card aisles, it hurt. 

It made her feel left out.

That was the first time I understood what it meant to be without something that you deeply long for. For me, that feeling of being left behind has grown increasingly in the area of dating, marriage and starting a family of my own. Every time another friend gets engaged or I receive a baby shower invite in my inbox, I am so excited to celebrate my friends.

In the same breath, I pensively question: What about me? Will this ever happen for me? Why not me?

I used to feel shame when these thoughts would come, but I’ve been learning to hold space for them and allow grace for the grief for what isn’t and the celebration for what is. I stand somewhere in between that tension, making room for the tears that come in the waiting while also celebrating the long-awaited victories in the lives of the people around me.

I’ve been learning to hold space… and allow grace for the grief for what isn’t and the celebration for what is.

Their victories have been hard fought battles. As I stand with a loose grip on both joy and sadness, I believe mine will be someday too.

It’s a hard space to navigate, but as I find my footing, I’m realizing there is beauty to be found here. Beauty in the tension of grief and celebration, of a dream deferred and a dream satisfied. The same way I make room for a friend in her longings and feelings of being left out, I can do the same for myself. As I do, I find courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I’m realizing there is beauty to be found here—beauty in the tension of grief and celebration, of a dream deferred and a dream satisfied.

With hope,
Stephanie Taylor, Online Managing Editor

Is there an area of your life where you feel like you are lacking or as if you are left behind? How can you hold space for your own grief while making space to celebrate others?

Image via Judith Pavón Sayrach 

“Where I Come From” is a Darling series that pays homage to the cities, towns and countries that we call home. Although we are not defined by where we come from, these places are a defining part of our stories.

When I tell people where I’m from,
I never know how they’ll respond. 

That’s somewhere in the middle, right?
Good barbecue. Really good.
Oh, I hear it’s.. dangerous.. there. 

That’s why I call it the Patchwork City.
We’re a mosaic of texture and color,
Many patches, stitched together. 

I grew up in the suburbs by highway 270.
Sometimes, I think I spent more time on that highway
Than anywhere else between the ages of 5 and 15.
My dad lived across town where you could hear
The church bells by day and the train whistles at night. 

In winter, snowmen filled the front yard.
In spring, lilacs adorned the backyard.
In summer, we go to hear Shakespeare in the park.
In fall, leaves fell everywhere. 

My grandmother, God rest her soul, told me once
That she heard the summer opera through her window,
When she lived near the park as a young nanny,
“The wind carried it,” she said. 

Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard? 

After college, I moved to the city. It was glorious.
I discovered her hidden parks, cathedrals, theaters and pubs.
Now, when I return I drive and drive, with no destination in mind.
And I always wind up back on 270, my old friend. 

My Patchwork City, I see you more clearly with time. 

Sometimes, the stitches hold us together,
Sometimes, they feel like dividing lines.
Sometimes, quilts must be taken apart to be put back together again.
Here I am, lending my hands, in the best way I know how.
I’m sorry I can’t be there in this fragile time.
But I’m praying for you and letting the wind carry it.

Image via Erin Foster, Darling Issue No. 24

On the Saturday mornings of my childhood, you could find me camped out in front of the TV watching one of two things: cartoons or “The Brady Bunch.” Arguably the most popular television show of the 1970s, my brother and I watched season after season of “The Brady Bunch” until we had seen them all. If you’ve never seen the show before, it follows the hilarious antics and heart-touching tales of six step-siblings (three daughters and three sons) united by their parent’s marriage along with their frenzied housekeeper, Alice. 

Although I enjoyed watching the stories unfold and listening to the unfamiliar ’70s lingo, there was another reason I tuned in every Saturday morning—the outfits.

“The Brady Bunch” sisters, particularly Marcia and Jan, appeared on the screen wearing outfits like floral-patterned dresses with Peter Pan collars and high-waisted skirts cinched with thick belts paired with tall brown boots. The sisters’ laid-back yet lively outfits complemented their charming personalities and sharp wits. This was my first introduction into the fun, effortlessly cool fashion era of the 1970s. 

This was my first introduction into the fun, effortlessly cool fashion era of the 1970s. 

Fast forward 10 or 15 years into the future, and I find myself in a tiny consignment store the size of my bedroom. Hidden beneath cross-body bags and woven wallets piled on the floor sits the most unique purse I have ever laid eyes on—a 1970s vintage carpet bag. A funky pattern of gold, green and red flowers pops against a brown background, and brass hardware creates a streamlined look. My first real vintage purchase, this bag spurred a love for incorporating ’70s inspired pieces into modern looks as I paired it with ripped jeans, a black tank top and ankle boots.

I seem to discover 1970s inspiration almost anywhere. Just recently, I was digging through old family photos at my grandmother’s house and fell in love with the everyday style of the 1970s I saw. I took note of the chunky stripe patterns, tall socks with sneakers and wide-legged pants that my father and his siblings wore. Even my grandfather sported a stylish mock turtleneck sweater in one photograph.   

Now while shopping or browsing Pinterest boards, I find myself drawn to bold patterns and high-waisted silhouettes. One of my go-to outfits is a pair of high-waisted, flare-cut denim jeans, a loose kimono with a striking floral pattern, white sneakers and a wide headband. For a dressier evening, I might switch out the sneakers for chunky heels. This simple yet vibrant outfit helps me to express my confidence and bravely take on the day—no matter the twists and turns I’ll likely face.   

My first real vintage purchase….spurred a love for incorporating ’70s inspired pieces into modern looks.

I’m not alone in this love for mixing the old and the new. Many staples from the 1970s are considered back in style again, as many women flock to trends like high-waisted pants and middle hair parts. In hopes of finding a unique piece, I tend to stick to the racks of thrift stores where clothes pour in from all eras and walks of life. One impact that ’70s fashion has had on me is that I’m no longer afraid to experiment or try something new.

The influence of the 1970s on my personal style seems perfect for this moment in history. In navigating a shaky post-grad future and a global pandemic, these outfits present to me an opportunity for self-expression that goes beyond mere fabric to cover myself. These bold patterns, fun silhouettes and easy-going elements allow me to convey a part of myself that braves the unknown, adapts to new challenges and, best of all, discovers joy along the way.

What fashion trends do you appreciate from the 1970s? What time period influences your style the most?

Image via Aki Akiwumi, Darling Issue No. 20

“Real Women, Real Work” is a Darling series about everyday women who work in various fields including business, entertainment, science and education. We want to get to know the WHY behind their WHAT and get an inside look into different industries.

LeAnn Rimes is known for her success as a Grammy-award winning singer, songwriter and actress, but with the launch of the second season of her mental wellness and wholeness podcast, “Wholly Human,” she is now also a leader in the mental health advocacy space.

Following up on the success of the first season of the iHeartRadio podcast, which reached #2 on iTunes Health & Fitness chart and in the Top 35 overall for podcasts worldwide, LeAnn continues to explore the wellness space in the second season of the acclaimed podcast. Ranging from topics such as anxiety, neuroscience, spirituality and the chatter in the mind, LeAnn leads listeners in honest conversations with experts to provide practical tools for their own wellness journeys.

More than ever, LeAnn is dedicated to using her voice and her celebrity to uplift others by removing the shame surrounding mental health. As she celebrates her 25th anniversary as a recording artist, LeAnn will continue her country-wide tour, and in early fall, will release her next studio album, “God’s Work.”

Darling got to sit down with LeAnn to discuss the second season of her podcast, which debuts today, as well as the journey that led to her upcoming album. 

LeAnn, you are a singer, actress, author and now podcast host. When you were a kid, what did you imagine you’d be when you grew up?

As a child, I wanted to perform. I loved to entertain. I loved to sing. I remember when I was little I either wanted to be a singer, psychiatrist or the first female professional softball player. The singing panned out way more than the other things. I remember when I was young telling my mom that I wanted people to know my name. Everybody would know my name no matter where they lived. So I think I’ve done fairly well. 

I’d also say the past year and a half has allowed me to diversify in a lot of ways. There are gifts through this pandemic. It’s allowed me to play in different areas where I didn’t know if I would have the time before. I have been on tour since I was 13.

At the beginning of 2020, I was talking to a friend, and I had all these ideas for a new record and a podcast. All of the sudden, I had plenty of time to create all these things. The pandemic really has allowed me to diversify and play in areas where I wanted to play but perhaps there was fear. This past year and a half has really been about expanding into other places and beautiful crevices of myself that I have not yet explored. It’s been really exciting.

This past year and a half has really been about expanding into other places and beautiful crevices of myself that I have not yet explored. 

You were catapulted into the spotlight at a really young age. At 13, you were a country music star. How did you deal with the pressure?

In one word, denial. Honestly. We just celebrated 25 years since my first single and album. I look back and I recognize how much denial I had to go through in order to continue to do the work that I was doing. It was always about forward movement and not stopping.

During this down time during COVID, I’ve been off the performance train for 16 months. It’s hard to get back on. It’s given me an opportunity to recognize how unhealthy some of my life was. My nervous system has been stunned since I was a child. In 2020, it was really uncomfortable to have so much down time because my nervous system was wound up. It has been eye opening to reflect after 25 years and to recognize the ways in which I had to suppress and deny in order to survive.

As a public figure, people might assume you don’t have struggles with finding your voice, fear or feelings of depression. What have been the biggest stereotypes or assumptions you’ve had to overcome?

I think there’s a big assumption—that I am not human actually. We have spent many years as a society, not just with celebrities but with ourselves, shoving down our humanity and presenting a one-dimensional version of ourselves to everyone else. I think we are now finally stripping that back and we are being able to meet one another in our full humanity. 

People look at anyone in the spotlight and think they have everything. They ask: Why would they be upset? We always think that having things equals happiness or that it would get you out of some level of pain. On many levels, that is not true. 

Having so many opinions and projections, as a celebrity you really are projected on by thousands and millions of people. I joked the other day with a friend that the fact that I know who the hell I am outside of what people have projected on me is a miracle. I think we are breaking down a lot of stigmas right now.

I am happy to be on the forefront of that and tear down the stereotypes and shame around mental health. I’m honored to allow people to have their experiences fully and not hide parts of themselves.

I am happy to be on the forefront of that and tear down the stereotypes and shame around mental health.

One of your newest projects is your podcast, “Wholly Human with LeAnn Rimes.” Can you tell me a little bit about the backstory of why you started it?

My whole journey has been about collecting fragmentations of myself and bringing them back into wholeness. It’s a bit of a play on being incredibly human and the souls that we are. I wanted to create a place to connect with people on a human level. 

With me being a public figure, people forget that I am human. There have been so many projections upon my story by the media and people. This is another avenue to be even more open about it and share what I am going through and use my celebrity and my name. It’s been about sharing my journey of expanding into a fuller version of myself and taking people along that ride so that they have the opportunity to do the same. 

We are talking about things I never would have thought I would talk about in a million years. People are connecting with it, and that’s been so beautiful. Hearing the stories of how this has helped listeners deepen their own paths has made me really happy because that was my intention.

On the podcast, what are some common roadblocks you’ve found that hinder our wholeness?

One of our biggest roadblocks is our own voice in our heads. The bully that we think is true and isn’t 99 percent of the time.

It’s so common to see all the different ways in which we have survived, all of our survival mechanisms from an early age. We fed off the world around us. From the time we are born until we are 6 or 7 years old, we basically are carbon copies of our environment. It really is about retraining ourselves and our thoughts. Our programming all plays into who we think we are. It’s about unwinding who we think we are and discovering who we really are.

It really is about retraining ourselves and our thoughts…. It’s about unwinding who we think we are and discovering who we really are.

The second season of the podcast is releasing today! What can listeners look forward to?

I am definitely more comfortable with the podcast experience and hosting. We deal with everything from anxiety to the chatter of the mind to the space of the heart and love. Every podcast guest this season is so different from experts on neuroscience to spirituality. We really have dug in further this season and bring people some really great information. 

Everyone’s healing journey is so different. The hope is that the podcast is just a guide. We give them some helpful and tangible things to play with. We are all scientists, and we are also science experiments. So we have to play and see what works for us.

You have a new album releasing this fall called “God’s Work.” What inspired this album?

It is really incredible and inspired from a very spiritual place. I look at it as an extension of the chant record I released in 2020 in a lot of ways but in full musical form. 

I speak truth on this record that scares me. It scared me to write. It scared me to perform, and that’s exciting because I know I’m pushing a boundary for myself and probably a lot of people too. I don’t hold back. I am so proud of this album. 

I know I’m pushing a boundary for myself and probably a lot of people too.

I hope that it helps support people in their awakening. I am creating music to support the awakening and the moment of time that we are in. It’s been a really exciting album to make. 

How would you describe the sound? How is it unique from previous albums?

I like to call it “World-acana” because it has an Americana vibe, but it has a lot of world groups. I love rhythm. There’s something about rhythm that moves me. Drums move me. So we started off playing with rhythms and kind of built it out from there. 

I feel like every album of mine is so different. I have always been one to play. I love music and creating it. There’s a real message that I’m sending with this album. I think that it’s a call to action for a lot of people, a wake up call. It’s been a world expression that I feel called to include.

If you had to pick, what would be your favorite song on the album? What about a close second?

Now that’s like choosing your favorite child. There’s a song called “The Wild” that probably is my favorite song on the record so far. It’s my favorite expression of something new of mine.  It scared the shit out of me when I wrote it. What came out was so true, honest and raw.

There were five incarnations of this song. Even when I went in to cut a scratch vocal, I felt like it wasn’t right. So I sent everyone out of the room, and I ended up finding this really cool hook to the song. I felt like I really let out the wild in me. Then, I knew that the song was complete, but it felt like serious birth pains. I felt like I was birthing a truth for myself and so many women when I recorded the song. I am really proud of that song and how I trusted the process.  

What advice would you give the young woman struggling to find her voice or perhaps who feels stuck?

Trusting the process is so important. Know that where you are is not where you will end up. It’s not the end. It’s just a momentary stop on your journey. 

The more we resist the thing that is showing up for us in the moment, the longer it persists. When we let things in, we become free because we give ourselves and that moment of our lives space to fully express themselves.

The feelings of being stuck are only momentary. Trust your heart and listen to what you feel. I don’t think there’s a wrong answer. We are here to learn. It’s all about the journey.

Know that where you are is not where you will end up. It’s not the end. It’s just a momentary stop on your journey. 

Knowing what you know now, what words of wisdom would you give to your younger self?

Keep a sense of self. I don’t even know if I had a sense of self back then. I think I did have one but then opinions, projections and that programming gets put on us from the outside world. Trust yourself. I don’t think anyone knows better than you.

To keep up to date with LeAnn, follow her on Instagram and listen to the second season of her podcast “Wholly Human.” To find out more, visit her website.

Images via Norman Seeff

Each time I rewatch Greta Gerwig’s 2019 rendition of “Little Women,” there are a number of lines that hit me in my gut. One of which is when Amy, exhausted from her painting pursuits, says “I want to be great or nothing.”

It’s a fire that resonates with me almost too well. It’s the spark of ambition that motivates me, but it’s also the crippling fear that makes anything short of a very specific measurement of success not enough.

During my senior year of college, I was the managing editor for my college newspaper. On a small campus, it felt like a big deal. I’m a natural leader, and it was a job that felt right for me, even if it often left me sleep-deprived. I graduated with this shaky confidence, ready to go anywhere and do anything, so long as it was something I’d be excited to tell people about.

With this wide horizon in front of me, I found myself stuck—perhaps by some combination of being unprepared, cocky or unrealistic—in the possibility of all I could do. I did not really know what I actually wanted besides an admirable title on my Instagram bio.

A few miscellaneous jobs and disappointments later, I found myself rooted in a city I didn’t think I’d be in, with a job I wouldn’t have imagined, conflicted and growing restless all at once. I am a success-oriented person, certainly not always in good ways. This was perhaps my first real reckoning with it. There was, I realized, a vision in my head of what success meant to me, and it was a metric I was failing to meet.

There was a vision in my head of what success meant to me, and it was a metric I was failing to meet.

Whether or not you consider yourself ambitious or success-oriented, we all have an idea of “the good life” that serves as the destination we work toward. Truthfully, this isn’t bad. It can be an inspiration, a picture that reminds us of where or who we want to be. It can, however, also be a burden—an unrealistic bar that we’re constantly striving to meet. 

The difference—and the freedom—comes in being able to expand our definitions of “success.” In the past year, with the world shut down, plans canceled and options to travel limited, we may have found ourselves staring our disappointments square in the face, unable to be distracted by our usual amusements. What we were left with was a life that didn’t match the picture of success we once imagined. Perhaps, as in my personal experience, the strain on our mental (or physical) health even showed us new limitations.

The difference—and the freedom—comes in being able to expand our definitions of “success.”

Redefining success does not mean throwing out dreams or insisting that the little everyday victories are the extent of our accomplishments. It simply means imagining a future that gratefully receives what has been accomplished today and looks forward to what that could mean for tomorrow. This allows us to receive our own path, rather than pursuing someone else’s.

In the age of social media, there is a temptation to copy the success of others. We are looking for the hack, the cause-and-effect that gets us to that point, with that career, with that house and with those followers. However, when we think of what inspires us, it’s not the life-hack or short-cut someone is trying to sell us on Instagram. It’s the unexpected story of those who worked faithfully, dreamed uniquely, overcame and carried themselves and their skills with purpose. 

Typically, these are also the people who are the most content with their lives. They are unconcerned with ladder-climbing or striving. Instead, they use their energy toward leveraging what they have and not worrying about what they don’t. 

Our day-to-day life may fall short of our big and sparkling dreams, but it is not a consolation prize. It is our gift and our privilege to steward it well. There is purpose in every moment, and to misjudge any moment along our journeys as less than success is to miss the value and humanity of the present moment and opportunities.

Our day-to-day life may fall short of our big and sparkling dreams, but…it is our gift and our privilege to steward it well.

Most days, I wrestle with the concept of success. I write this from a very tiny living room in a cheap apartment in a sweet, small city. I quit my day job last fall to take up freelance work full-time. At least once a week when someone asks me, “How’s work going?,” I tell them all the things I wish I was doing better.

I continue to be moved by the words of the character Amy March, “I want to be great, or nothing.” I’ve grown to realize “great” exists everywhere, in every season and the road is not as narrow (or glamorous) as we have been led to believe. So I often take time—alongside putting together beautiful vision boards—to remind myself that my story will not look like anyone else’s and that is a good and freeing thing. 

Success is not limited to what we can imagine but to our willingness to gratefully and faithfully accept who we are and what we have to offer with determination, vision and purpose.

How has your definition of success changed in time? Why is it important not to compare our career journeys with others?

Image via Madeline Mullenbach

It’s difficult to put into words what summertime means in France. An analogy that seems fitting is to compare summer in France to a finely aged wine. The French work hard all year to harvest the fruit of their labor, but when it comes to summer vacation, they know that, like an aged bottle of red, the secret to excellence is allowing time, rest and stillness to do the work. So let’s learn the French way to do summer—by taking time to relish in the abundance and harvest of the year through true rest. 

As a lover of California sunshine, living abroad in France for four years gave me a new understanding of summer as I faced my first dark, cold and damp winter in Paris. The short days and crowded metros made me crave space and light. Springtime in Paris was an emotional rollercoaster as weather was unpredictable and thunderstorms would interrupt pique-niques and plans.

The French do not live to work. They work to live. Even embedded within the language, the verb “être” (to be) is often used more than “faire” (to do). Daily life in the summer is centered on being not merely doing. Summers are not just for kids on break from school, but the entire society celebrates and savors all that summer has to offer. 

The French do not live to work. They work to live.

Summer Solstice, June 21, is welcomed with a national music festival called La Fête de La Musique. The festival originated in the 1980’s when the Minister of Culture desired to bring people and music to the streets. 

By allowing amateurs and professionals to play without permits, cost or noise restrictions at the festival, all genres of music are made accessible to the public. On the longest day of the year, everyone celebrates life with a 24-hour nationwide party. In Paris, all you need to do is walk for a few blocks and you will stumble on elderly couples dancing in the streets, punk-rock youth blasting their protests, classical quartets lining cafés and children, always at the front line of any crowd, soaking in the sounds and experience of music. 

This annual festival is just a debut of all France has to offer for the summer months. All year long you hear the French dream and discuss plans for “les vacances.” Embedded in French culture is the value of time for rest more than the grind of work and capitalism. 

Embedded in French culture is the value of time for rest more than the grind of work and capitalism. 

The government by law requires full-time workers to take at least five weeks vacation, on top of public holidays throughout the year. By August, most shops are closed for the month with handwritten notes from owners explaining “on est en vacances.” We are on vacation and will reopen in September. 

The French summer is unlike any other. Located in the heart of Europe, the geography of France allows for easy access to travel and weekend trips to new cultures and countries. All you have to do is hop on a south-bound train and you will be at the seaside in a matter of hours. 

The longer days, full feasts of delicious seasonal food, time spent with family and a nation-wide pause on work allow for a restoration of the soul of humanity. This summer, may we also learn to pause and let time and rest do its work in us—making us like a fine wine full of flavor and life.

How good are you about prioritizing rest? Why is this so important?

Image via Coco Tran, Darling Issue No. 19

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that there’s no manual for marriage as a newlywed. Sure, there are plenty of self-help books and great resources to set you up for success like marriage counseling.

After being married for almost two years, I like to think marriage is like jumping into a waterfall. You can try your best to explain it to someone, but they won’t fully understand it until they’ve jumped too. Once their two feet have left the ledge, they are completely immersed into the mystery, the thrill, the fear and all the life-changing emotions that come when you say “I do.” 

Marriage is a daring adventure that exposes every part of a person. It requires courage and vulnerability. It challenges everything you’ve ever known and exchanges comfort for growth. 

Marriage….challenges everything you’ve ever known and exchanges comfort for growth. 

When I first began dating my husband eight years ago, we had so many friends, family members and random strangers offer their round of advice to us. People would love to tell us what marriage was really like and would love to dish on everything they thought we “needed” to know. Yet, all of it couldn’t have prepared me for the big transition.

After marrying someone, you’re not just letting go of your former life. You’re completely starting fresh and building something new with someone else. You’ve invited someone into your most sacred and most personal spaces to dream alongside you and to create a world together.

You transition into shared spaces and shared expenses—shared everything! If you’re a newlywed and you’ve felt the shift of change within your life, then you’re good company.

Marriage affirms that life is constantly changing and teaches us how to adapt.

Our first year in marriage, we were faced with a reality that no one felt prepared for—a pandemic and time of global unrest. When I say everything changed, I can honestly say nothing felt familiar. That in itself developed into a form of trauma. While I’d known my husband for so many years, I had never known what it was like to truly share a life together—one that required us balancing our finances, selecting what we’d stock our fridge with, deciding what to eat for dinner and understanding each other’s differences.

Coming from a strong Hispanic, independence-driven home life, I had to learn how to lean on my spouse and depend on him, contrary to the self-reliant tendencies I had cultivated early on in my life. Marriage encourages us to let our walls down and learn to depend on the other person in the relationship. 

Marriage encourages us to let our walls down and learn to depend on the other person in the relationship. 

Marriage inspires us to find refuge in our spouse—leaning on each other through the good and bad moments. 

It’s an amazing thing to have a life partner, especially when you have found someone you can trust wholeheartedly. Life is so unpredictable. It’s filled with unexpected moments—both joyful and devastating. It does so much good for your soul when you can come home to the person who will walk by your side through every season. 

Whether you’re reading this and you’re an introvert or extrovert, you need the affirmation of having someone who will carry your days with you. We need each other in order to grow and develop into the best versions of ourselves. That support can be so life-changing when it’s given by the right person!

Marriage brings out the best and worst in you. So it’s important to have as much grace as possible.

Every marriage has its disagreements and flaws. There’s not one marriage that is perfect! There are differences of opinions, differences in preferences and differences in mindsets. When you’re a newlywed, sometimes your pitfalls seem to come to the surface more as you continue to navigate this new season together.

Something I’ve learned alongside my husband is to surround ourselves with healthy accountability—people we can trust to navigate life together. When questions pop up and we need help resolving conflict, these are the people we lean on within our inner circle to help us walk through these differences.

The beauty of marriage is that you both see things differently, even if you married someone who is very similar to you. You both see the world differently. You both interpret things and receive messages differently. And guess what? That’s OK!

You will learn how to embrace your differences and how to leverage them.

When you return from your honeymoon, you are met with the reality that marriage actually requires effort. It’s hard work! It’s a daily choice to love the other person, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s a daily choice to show forgiveness, grace, compassion and determination for the relationship.

Your differences are reminders that you both are unique and bring something fresh to the table. Learn to listen and appreciate your partner’s views so you can both find respect for the way you each process life. Communicate the things that matter most to you and fight to maintain mutual respect at all times.

Communicate the things that matter most to you and fight to maintain mutual respect at all times.

Marriage requires sacrifice, but it is so worth it. Never let petty arguments keep you from fully appreciating the treasure that is your marriage. Dive in deep, stay humble and find ways to show your love through action.

The best way to build a healthy foundation is to let go of your expectations and be present in the moment. Take on every experience you have together as a learning curve. If there’s anything I’ve learned as a newlywed, it’s to choose my battles wisely and to always leap at the opportunity to serve one another. 

Also, always remember goodnight kisses, to order takeout for at-home movie nights and to wash the dishes together. These things go a long way!

What lessons have you learned in marriage? What is some marriage advice that you were given that proved to be true?

Image via Valarie Duran Photography

We are bringing “Darling Letters” from your inbox to the blog! We love the art of letter writing and believe it helps build authentic community. Our editors and contributors have thoughtfully written encouraging letters to cut through the busyness and speak straight to your heart.

“Celebration” is a word that we often associate with remarkable milestones—birthdays, weddings, new babies and graduations. Celebration involves planning, sending invites and ordering food. Celebration, with its sense of recognition and rest from routine, is an event.

The problem with this approach to celebration is that this practice comes rarely. When we choose only to observe so-called “big events” as worthy of taking a joyful pause, we may miss out on daily successes and small victories as being worthy of our time, acknowledgment and delight. 

We may miss out on daily successes and small victories as being worthy of our time, acknowledgment and delight. 

Throughout the past few years, I have been learning to celebrate the little things. I no longer only look forward to major life milestones. I have learned to see small successes—a new client, an accomplished goal, subtle transitions or even silly holidays like my half birthday—as worthy of celebration. 

As we continue to enjoy the summer season, let’s take advantage of a slower pace of life and more hours of sunshine to practice true celebration. We can continue to observe the rituals of major milestones with planned parties, pretty invitations and gifts, but let’s also devote time and space to the celebration of the “simple things”—new friendships, work milestones or transitions into a new season.

Let’s celebrate the little things with a pause in our routines, a moment of gratitude and a slice of cake. 

Let’s also devote time and space to the celebration of the “simple things.”

With joy,
Kelsey Yarnell, the Darling family

Why is it important to celebrate the little moments in life? What’s the most recent “little thing” that you have celebrated?

Image via Prakash Shroff, Darling Issue No. 11